Everyone is doing it

It seems like everyone’s blogs these days are so much more thought oriented than story oriented. It’s all about what people are thinking and how they feel. Do I really have to guts to express what is going through my head right now. I’m just going to vent, so you don’t really have to read this, it isn’t going to be too interesting.

First of all, I drive myself crazy. I hate that I cannot be perfect! I know that is stupid to let myself get stressed out about that, but I can’t help it. I spend so much time worrying about things these days. I know it won’t make me any more productive to stress out, but the stress just doesn’t go away. Here is what I am stressed about.

1) SCHOOL: I love being able to study what I want. I am actually really enjoying my classes. The only problem is I don’t have a whole lot of time to study. I can’t finish all of my homework, and so now I am a little behind. Just the thought about how much work I have to catch up on makes me tired. High School was SO easy, I never studied, and I usually got the highest grades on tests and assignments. BYU is the complete opposite. I am no longer on the of the smarter ones. I am average, maybe even below average sometimes. I can study (usually the night before a test) and I will still get a horrible grade. Even the class that I am staying caught up in and actively studying for I’m not doing so well in. Maybe I should cut back my hours at work. I am a horrible student.

2) WORK: I don’t know where to start. I actually enjoy my job on most days. I work at a call center, so it isn’t the most fun job ever, but it gives me enough money that I can play around with. I LOVE the people that I work with, which is good because I don’t have time for a social life outside of work. The thing that bothers me about my job is there is no room for me to move up. I was promoted last year, and then I was “demoted” (with out a pay cut so my boss says I can’t call it that). Now I guess they won’t promote anyone who isn’t working at least 40 hours a week. I work about 34-35 hours a week, and there is no way that I can find the time to work 5 more. It is just frustrating, I know that I am capable of doing so much more than what I am doing now, but there is nothing I can do to move up. So, I don’t even really try anymore, I know my stuff so I don’t have to really worry about losing my job, but I don’t feel like there is a point in going beyond what is asked. I suck as an employee.

3) SOCIAL LIFE: This pretty much doesn’t exist. I can’t say that I don’t have any friends, cause I do. I just don’t have time for them. I am a terrible friend! I feel bad, because one of my friends will ask me to do a favor for them. I really would love to, but there is no way for me to find room in my schedule. I feel like I am always bailing on people, telling them that I have to do homework instead of hanging out with them. It’s true, I always do have homework or studying to do, but it is also rude to bail on people. (What do you know, I am just as bad about bailing on people as my dad is) I am a flakey friend.

4) FAMILY: I don’t have a relationship with hardly anyone in my family.

• I hardly ever talk to Kelci, and we live in the same house. I think I see her maybe 3 days a week and usually it is in passing. Most days the only communication we have is a text that says “I borrowed your jacket, I will put it back in your closet when I get home.”
• I don’t even remember the last time that I even talked to my dad or Jason, they both seemed to have dropped of the face of the earth. But it isn’t like either of them would ever notice, and it isn’t like I make any sort of effort.
• I do feel like I have a pretty good relationship with Jocelynn though. I work with her so we have something in common, and I love being able to see her everyday. It is nice to work with family.
• My mom, I have a pretty good relationship with. She usually lets me talk her ear off on my drive home from work everyday. (45 minute drive) She stays pretty up to date with all the things going on in my life.
• When it comes to Bryce, I am a complete failure. I seriously SUCK as a sister. I never make an effort to go see him. I feel really guilty about that. I drive past his freeway exit everyday. It’s not like it would be hard to stop by once a week or every other week for 15 minutes on my way home from work. I feel especially guilty right now, he is in the hospital right now. He has pneumonia and swine flu… he’s hooked up to a ventilator, and I can’t go visit because I am sick, and I would hate to make it worse. I hate how often he is in the hospital, and I try to convince myself that I don’t worry about him getting better. But I do worry, I am scared every time he gets admitted. Yet, when he gets out I still don’t make an effort to spend time again… I am a Failure as a sister.

5) CHURCH: I hate that I hate church. I didn’t used to hate it, but then I got a miserable calling. I know that you receive blessings when you fulfill a calling, but my calling seriously makes me cry. I just finished the ward directory, if anyone has ever done that before then you will understand my pain. I don’t have time to do my homework, and I definitely don’t have time to spend hours every week making flyers and trying to figure out a ward website. I asked to be released, and the response? Pray about it. I just want to give up right now, I don’t have the energy and I am starting to resent church. I am a awful Mormon.

6) EVERYTHING ELSE: I don’t have time to keep up with keeping my area clean. If you come to my house the basement is a disaster. I can’t stand that it is messy, it absolutely drives me nuts. I don’t have the energy to clean it up. I don’t know how it gets messy. The majority of it is clothes and school papers, but I don’t know what to do with it, I don’t know how to organize it. I am not very good at my housekeeping.

Why can’t I be perfect? Why can’t I have the energy to get everything done that I need to get done? Why? Why? Why? Because I am human, that’s why. I know that, but for some reason I still have the need to prove myself. I am sick of failing in every aspect of my life. I want to be a better person than I am. I want to be “perfect” or as close to that as I can possibly get. My mom always says that I am too hard on myself, maybe that is true, but maybe that is what I need to be a better person.

ps. I know that I have a good life, and I really can’t complain. I just feel so inadequate to handle just everyday stress.

Once Again… Catching up on my life.

I am not very good at keeping up with my blog. So let me start from the beginning of the month.

I turned 21 on the 2nd. Of course I had a couple friends offer to help me get drunk, but I'm not really into that sort of thing. So, I decided to throw a "mocktail" party. Serve non-alcholic drinks, virgin cocktails and what not. Then one idea lead to another and it kind of turned into a bigger deal than I originally planned. I rented a couple of rooms at a reception hall not too far from where I live (the same place Jason and Joce got married). That day was super crazy! There was so much to do and not enough time to do it. We had two rooms next to each other, one ballroom, and a room with a pool table. At first we all just sat around and socialized.

            

 

Kelci and a couple girls from my ward brought around a meatballs, crackers with artichoke dip, and glasses of sparkling cider.

 

Then we went into the other room for dinner. We started with salad. Chicken Cordon Bleu, baked veggies, sparkling Jell-O, and rolls.

            

Then of course we had mockatails being mixed the whole time (Thank you John!!) I found out that I’m not too shabby of a bar tender either… well, I can now mix 2 drinks.

And of course there was cake!

 

It was a lot of fun, and I think that everyone them selves. Here are all of the pictures, or you can just check them out on facebook.

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I also started school… I love school, just hate the homework. I am only taking three classes, but all three of those classes have a lab. I start classes every day at 8, and then I go to work right after and don’t get off until 7. I don’t usually get home until around 745ish. My day is pretty long. I have run into my cousin Ryan a couple times on campus which is pretty fun. I haven’t seen Robby yet though. I took my first Calculus test today, 87% which isn’t awful but I am going to shoot for a little higher next time. Hopefully more in the A range.

Work is going really well, we just hired a bunch of new people, and thing are really fun. I like having more people around to get to know.

Other than that my life is pretty much the same everyday. Wake  up, go to school, go to work, homework, sleep.

California

Last week I had the opportunity to go to California to help out with a Zrii event. We flew out really early on Thursday morning, and came back home on Sunday afternoon. Thursday was a day full of setup, and getting organized.

There was a huge convention going on at the same place that we were doing our event. They said there were around 100,000 people there. The company that owns World of Warcraft was the company doing the convention. So it was 100,000 nerds waiting in line to test a new game the Blizzcon was coming out with. I was amazed at how many people were dressed up like characters from games. They came from all over the US.

Friday was pretty busy, there was a lot of running around to make sure everything was taken care of. We got off a little early that night and we decided to see what was gong on downstairs. We just flashed our staff badges and they let us into the convention. We walked around a little bit and we got to see a dance competition. Wow, a gamers dance competition. I now know what a blood elf dance looks like.

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Saturday was a little more relaxed. I ended up taking pictures of the event. So I wasn’t running around all day. We got off way earlier than expected and Ozzy Osborne was doing a show for the nerds downstairs. Again we tried to get in, this time we ran into a smarter security guard. Our staff badges didn’t match the Geek Squad’s staff badges. Our Events Manager told him we were with the marketing team and that we needed to get it. He walked away and said he would have to talk to his supervisor. 2 minutes later he told us that we could go it. Confidence is Key. It was great. Then we got all the way up to the front of the concert to watch Ozzy. One word to describe him is Creepy. I swear he has to be possessed. It makes a good story.

 

Yet again, another massive catch up on my life

It has been quite a long time since the last time that I blogged. I can't think of anything very big that has happened lately. So this is what my life has been for the last month or so.
Pretty much the only thing that I have done for the last while is work. Zrii has been pretty crazy. We just switched all of the systems we use, and the new system isn't fully functional yet. Which has been a mess to deal with. People call in to ask about their accounts and we have to tell them we don't have that information available at the moment. Which means I have taken lots of angry calls from people who want information that should be easy to find, but it is more like impossible with our new systems. Finally things have started to get less crazy at work, a lot of the bugs in the system have been resolved. My guess is it will get bad again on Monday. We cut the first set of checks since we changed the compensation plan, and I have a feeling that we are going to get a lot of people calling in because they don't like the new comp plan. I guess we will just have to see how it goes.
The good news about work is that I get to go out to California for a little convention thing we are doing out there. I leave Thursday morning and I fly home on Sunday. Jocelynn is going to too, so it should be pretty fun. Also, the girl who sits next to me at work gets to come, she is one of my favorite people, so I am pretty excited about it. Originally I think that I was invited to come to do pictures at the event, but I'm not sure if that is still one of my big job descriptions for the event. I hope that I will have a chance to do some photos, but it will be a relief if I am not the only one they are relying on for them. I am pretty good with a camera, but the lighting is weird, and stuff when you are trying to take pictures of speakers. I just don't have enough experience in that area of photography to feel confident.
Outside of work, I don't really have a life. I usually get home pretty late, and so I don't feel like going out and doing something. I usually end up watching TV while doing some craft project, or cleaning. I am starting to make some friends in my ward. I am having a lot of fun. I usually go to FHE on Mondays, and do ward prayer and games on Sundays. So I have a semi-social-life on Sundays and Mondays.
I am planning on having a birthday party this year for myself... The last time I had a party was when I turned sixteen, and that turned out to be a disaster. I'm hoping that this one goes a little better than that one. In a couple weeks I will be the big 21. Which means legally I can drink. I had a couple friends offer to get me wasted. Thanks, but I think I'm okay with not drinking. For my party I am doing a dinner and "mocktails". I rented a couple rooms at Noahs, and it is going to be a pretty dressy event. I think that it will be fun. All of my really close friends are way excited, and I know that they will go all out with me. I am trying to come up with a menu to serve, but I'm not sure what to do. Any ideas would be appreciated. I figure I will start with a salad... that was the easy part. Then for the main dish I was thinking Chicken Cordon Bleu, and baked veggies? I also have to come up with a Vegetarian Dish. For some reason a lot of my Friends have gone Vegetarian and won't eat meat. I have a couple vegetarian recipes, but I don't have anything fancy. Then I have no idea for dessert, maybe cream puffs? That kind of goes along with my cocktail theme. I really want this party to be fun, so if you have any great ideas they would be greatly appreciated. You can just email me reachamber@hotmail.com, or I guess you comment.
Lastly, I will give anyone who wants to know an update on Scott. He has been in Japan for almost a month now. He is doing really well, but he is having a hard time talking to Native Japanese people. His first day in Japan he ended up in the hospital with food poisoning. I think that he is proud of his Japanese writing, cause there is usually a few sentences in Japanese writing in my letters, too bad I don't read Japanese. He's doing really good, and he is happy to finally be in Japan.
I will make sure to post the outcome of my party after the big event. Hopefully it will all go as planned.

Is that a squirrel?

I was down in the basement studying and I hear my mom yell for me to come up. She sounded like she was kind of in a panic. So I ran up and she is standing in the kitchen. Turns out that we had a squirrel in our laundry room. We had the door open earlier and apparently a squirrel found his way in.

It went into a closet, and we were trying to figure out a way to get it out of the house. I was standing on a chair slowly moving things out of the closet with a broom stick. I haven’t been that jumpy in a long time. We finally got him out of the closet and into the “green carpet room”

   

Then we chased it out the front door… haha, what a day.

Truth

Here are some truths about me…

• As of right now I am planning on being a business major… but I still have to apply to the program.
• I am also premed, which means I am taking lots of science classes that don’t really go along with my major.
• I love to ballroom dance, and I wish that I had more opportunity to go dancing.
• I hate it when the shower curtain is closed, because I have a fear that someone is going to be standing behind it…
• My car and my bedroom are usually a mess, I wish I had more time to keep them organized.
• I am not very good about studying, but this fall semester I am planning on going to the library everyday after work so I won’t be distracted by my computer or TV.
• Thinking about the future overwhelms me.
• I actually like going to church every Sunday, even though sometimes I complain about going.
• I like to go to public places and just watch people… Its funny the things that people do when they don’t know somebody is watching.
• I love to sing, although I am not very good at it.
• I am teaching myself how to play the piano, I haven’t taken lesson since I was 8.
• I like to read, but I have a hard time finding time to sit down and actually get into a book.
• I really like photography, and would like to buy a professional camera.
• I procrastinate way too much, sometimes it takes me forever to get things done if I’m not given a deadline.
• I like science classes, they just make sense. English on the other hand doesn’t make any sense.
• I like doing things for others, and I rarely say no when it comes to helping someone out, even if it means I won’t get something done for me that needs to be done.
• I have to give a talk on “Truth” in two weeks, and I don’t know where to start. Any ideas would definitely be helpful.

21 day challenge is over…

For the last 21 days I have been doing this “21-day challenge” for work. It included cutting meat from my diet, cutting out any processed sugars, exercising, meditation, and drinking Zrii. I can’t  believe how much of a difference those changes have made. I don’t feel as sick to my stomach as often, my skin is starting to look more clear (It wasn’t very bad in the first place) but I am definitely noticing some differences. I think that I will stick to eating this way for a while.

Crazy idea… The girl that I sit next to at work asked me if I wanted to do a relay with her and a bunch of other people next June. I have a list of things that I want to do before I die, and run a marathon is one of them. I think that it will be fun, and it will be a good motivation to start getting active again. The relay is a 186 mile run between 12 people. Each person will run 3 different legs of the race. It starts in Logan, goes down to Heber, and then up to Park City. The goal is to it within a 24 hour period. I am officially going to start training for this now, so I can do it next summer without dying. Since I am going to be in shape, I figure I will probably do the Salt Lake City Marathon next year too(That was Courtney’s idea). I’m actually really excited about it. The first couple weeks of training are going to be the hardest, after that everything will get easier.

I have to leave for work right now, I will update more later.