Sunday, September 19, 2010

This is how it goes...

I've accepted that I am not a very consistent blogger. Often times I don't have any amusing stories to tell, and when I do I simply don't have the time. Even in this very moment I probably should be doing something other than blogging, but I'm tired and I just don't want to. I think that I might start getting better at the whole blogging thing, the purpose isn't to keep my devoted followers updated on my life. It is more for me, so I have an outlet for my thoughts, and my stresses.

I like being alone, and I am not sure if that is normal or not. I tend to keep to myself most of the time. I used to be super outgoing, but lately I just don't want to be. Maybe I'm too busy? At least that's what I keep telling myself. Maybe I am depressed? That's what my doctor tends to lean toward. Maybe I am just normal. Who knows, who is qualified to decide why I am the way I am.
I like the way my life is... on most days. I wake up early, go to class (most of which I love) then I go to work, come home, study, and then I'm off to bed. I wake up and do the same thing the next day. Mon-Sat that is my life, school and work. I really don't mind, in fact I like the regularity in my schedule. People ask me what I do for fun... I don't really know how to respond to that question anymore. I don't do anything for fun, and I feel like that should bother me but right now it doesn't. I guess you can consider studying fun. I love 3 of my 5 classes. I enjoy the time I spend with my nose in a book studying for them.

I am not sure which class is my favorite, maybe my anatomy class. I am intrigued by how complex the human body is, and how everything fits together so perfectly. I love the fact that I go to BYU and they incorporate the gospel into the subjects. Anatomy is proof that there is a god, our bodies are not a coincidence, they are designed with purpose. I don't think that I would get as much out of this class had I gone to any other university. The other class that competes to be my favorite class is my art history class. Of all the classes I signed up for I thought that this would be the hardest (dullest) class that I would be taking. It's the honors section, and to be honest the first day of class really scared me. There are only 12 of us in the class, that means if I miss a class someone will notice. I don't plan on missing any classes, but now I know that I can't. Then the second day... I fell in love with the subject. It is fun to watch how far we have come from since 3000 BC in what is important to us, beliefs about gods, and how we want to be remembered.

I am having a hard time with my religion classes (New Testament and D&C), it seems like I am missing out on information. Like I should already know that background to what they are teaching. I don't have a clue when it comes to religion. I am learning, which is good, but I hate when I feel like I am the only person who is lost in the entire class. There's nothing like the satisfaction of knowing that you understand the material, and you were prepared for class, I have never felt this way in any of my religion classes... one day maybe I will understand it all.

For now, I am content with where I am. I don't have a whole lot going on, but is plenty to keep me busy. Who knows where I will be in a couple of months, but I am satisfied with what I am doing right now.


  1. i love reading your thoughts. i love that you take the time to get them out even though there are more legitimate ways you could be spending your time.
    don't be so hard on yourself with the religion classes. i always felt the same way. still do in gospel doctrine. it's hard to ask questions because my questions always seem so stupid; they're not about theories, but about the actual facts of the story...which always seemed to be a given in my religion classes at byu. learn at your own pace and don't let yourself believe that you're not gospel-smart. you have layers of understanding that you probably don't even give yourself credit for.
    also- you very well could be depressed, but so what? i think it's hard to get through the ups and downs of life without experiencing depression. you probably won't fully recognize or accept it as depression until you're over that phase. but just be aware of it and keep doing the things that make you happy. even if studying is what makes you happy. there's nothing wrong with loving school.
    love you, amber. have a great week!

  2. great to hear the update. enjoy where you are right now. time will fly by.